Agfa Optima 500 Sensor - c1973

This is a pretty classy little 35mm pocket camera from Germany. Bright, brushed aluminum on top and bottom and a very good 42mm Color Apotar lens. The Color Apotar shows up on lots of Agfas.

Bottom mounted film advance lever and frame counter. Just like the wonderful Rollei 35's.

It's hard to miss the shutter button on this camera. Just push that red thing down.

The AGFALUX CI is an Agfa flash unit designed for use with flash cubes. When you used a bulb, another rotated into position for the next blinding flash.

The camera had a roll of film in it. The frame counter was on 22 so my hopes were high. The film turned out to be a fairly modern Fuji color film so I dropped it off at a big box processor. The negatives were too dark to make prints. Or at least that's what the high school kid behind the counter said.

Please note: If you are easily upset by stories of great tragedy, I urge you to stop reading and go watch Oprah.

I converted these to black and white because the color version is a mess. These photos are integral to the story I'm going to fabricate about this "found film" adventure. I rescued the film, I can make up the story.

Obviously this is a beautiful wedding on a beautiful day. The bride is beautiful. Her hat is beautiful. You can't see the tears in the photos, but she's crying.

Just before the wedding began, the groom gave his buddy, Charlie, the Agfa and told him to grab a few shots. Which Charlie did, between shots of Jack Daniel's.

The beautiful ceremony is over. New lives have begun.

The bride is giving Charlie "the finger" in this beautiful photograph. Several months before the wedding, Charlie  told the groom something about the bride's morals. I'm convinced it had something to do with a group of drunken sailors but I can't prove it. "Up yours, Charlie."

There is a gap of many years between the wedding photos and the next photo. How do I know that ? I'm an expert at these things. Simply accept what I say.

The couples house is buried in snow. No one is shoveling it. The once handsome groom, spends most of his time talking on Citizens Band radio as shown by that antenna mast. His radio handle is "Hammer."

Hammer likes to talk to "Misty" who lives in the next town. "Misty" is really "Harry" but we won't get into that too deeply.

Things have gotten pretty bad since that beautiful wedding. Hammer's bride got all liquored up with a bunch of old sailors and drove into a Shag Bark Hickory tree. She left the car by the side of the road and took off with "Lucky," a one eyed sailor who lost his right leg and four fingers during an argument over a chainsaw.

To make things even worse, Hammer bought that stupid looking hat last week. The insurance adjuster took this photo in case Hammer needed evidence in divorce court.

Hammer never saw his bride again. He's heard rumors about her being a cook on a garbage scow on the Tigris River, but the world situation makes it impossible to verify this.

This is the last shot on the roll. It's Hammer's John Deere LX176. One of Deere's cheaper models.

When Hammer's not riding his John Deere, he's hanging out with Misty. Hammer knows that Misty is really Harry but he doesn't care. He's a nineties man now.